You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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