is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Randomize