Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
