Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize