Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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