giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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