I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I just blew my weed a kiss
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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