I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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