Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
