I am in a vortex of obligation.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Dignity is for republicans.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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