Sorry, I don't speak sober.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
