you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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