She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize