Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
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