IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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