I'm drive I can fine osifer
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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