I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
