Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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