She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
My day in three words: secret purse cake
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
