Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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