I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize