so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
lol hangovers are for mortals.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
