ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
