I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
