Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
