Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize