mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
