he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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