the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
