yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
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