Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
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