Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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