She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
