Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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