i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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