The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
We're too hungover to prance.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
