Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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