dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
