Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
