I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
