I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Randomize
