I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Someone signed my nipple.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
