Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
