I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
