So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
