dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
