i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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