he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
