I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
You've changed since you got that strap on
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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