I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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