Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
