I'm jealous of your bromance
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
