I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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