I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
