Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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