Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
