their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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