good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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