dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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