my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
