i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
