if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
