just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
