Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
